I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
