she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
