you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
