I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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