Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
