Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
