i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
