garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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