god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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