is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
