I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is Oprah even human
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
