areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
