So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
