I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
