Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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