my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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