They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
