it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
