what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
drinking out of a sandbucket again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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