I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
