The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
