I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
