I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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