you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Randomize
