at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
