Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
