I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
