??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
