I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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