I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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