Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
