If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
