I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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