Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
