Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
