Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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