Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
