My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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