She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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