real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
