Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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