just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
