mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I touched a dick in church today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
