I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
