If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
