you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
