Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
