I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
