is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
