I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
