they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
