I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
