i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
