everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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