I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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