There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
